They broke our trust. Now what?
For anyone who just completed Yom Kippur, our single goal (other than to manage the 25 hours while fasting) was to achieve atonement for our sins.
Standing with a bent frame before our Maker, we recounted sin after sin, hoping that He would forgive us.
But we had reason to be confident.
Jewish tradition tells us that God forgives anyone who genuinely repents.
And tonight we start anew with 0 (or at least very few) sins.
The question is, how are we supposed to approach those who have hurt us and broken our trust?
By that I don't mean whether they should be forgiven.
For the most part, the answer is an emphatic yes.
Even when they hurt us deeply, it only hurts us more to hold onto the pain in a feeble attempt to get back at them.
What I refer to is how to know when if/you can trust them again.
I can forgive you while still protecting myself from future hurt.
Determining if someone is truly sorry and trustworthy can be a complex and subjective process, but there are several key factors to consider when trying to assess their sincerity and reliability:
Apology and Acknowledgment: A genuine apology is often the first step. The person should acknowledge their wrongdoing, take responsibility for their actions, and express remorse for the harm they've caused.
Empathy and Understanding: A sincere apology should demonstrate empathy and understanding of how their actions have affected you or others. They should be able to articulate the impact of their behavior on your feelings.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words: True remorse is often followed by actions that demonstrate a commitment to change. Look for evidence that the person is actively trying to rectify the situation or avoid repeating the same mistakes.
Consistency: Trustworthy individuals consistently exhibit trustworthiness in their behavior over time. If someone has a pattern of making amends and showing integrity, it's a positive sign.
Apologizing Without Expecting Forgiveness: Truly remorseful individuals understand that forgiveness is not guaranteed and do not pressure you to forgive them. They respect your feelings and boundaries.
Trust is something that is earned over time. People can make mistakes, and genuine remorse and change are possible.
However, it's also crucial to set boundaries and protect yourself if you feel that someone's actions pose a threat to your well-being.