The second necessary component for parental success is influence.
Our job is to become as influential as possible in the minds and lives of our children. Here are three ways parents can become more influential:
Become great listeners and create a safe space for children.
Demonstrate love, not a desire for control.
Personalize relationships and approaches with each child.
Many of us hold a wistful view of parenting.
Back in the “good old days” childrearing was simple. Parents used an authoritative approach, and their kids would listen and comply. By contrast, today’s parents have it much harder, and must deal with a myriad of challenges that our parents never faced.
But that thinking, too, has its flaws. Until the 1960s, authoritarian parenting was the way to go. It started to fall out of favor as society became more democratic and respect for authority began to show signs of cracking.
Read MoreResearch is clear that we get more done when we know where things are. This is true with our physical things (papers, files, gadgets, etc.) as well as our digital ones. Not only can things be found more easily when they are systematically organized, but there is also a significant psychological benefit of keeping our things in order.
Our external order creates internal sense of orderliness and allows us to do more while handling challenges in stride. It makes us feel in control of our situation and allows us to clearly focus and identify areas that need attention
In contrast, a messy workspace sends a subliminal message that our work lacks importance or that the processes we are involved in are not meaningful. It also increases distractibility and can promote both negative energy and anxiety.
Read MoreThe reality is that introversion has little to do with our levels of social comfort or verbosity. Rather, it reflects on our energy source. Extroverts are people who gain their energy from others. They walk into a room and feel energized, feeding off of the collective energy as they navigate through the crowd. They seek other’s company and feel somehow incomplete if they are left in isolation for too long.
Introverts, in contrast, gain their energy from quiet, private time. They love to think and reflect privately, with the door closed, and enter into public settings out of necessity rather than preference. While many introverts can be described as quiet, introverts are more than capable of speaking and engaging as circumstances dictate. It’s more about their preferences and inclinations rather than their disposition or capacity.
Read MoreIn a recent post we talked about the importance of identifying the right tasks, or MITs. to work on to maximize your productivity.
MITs (Most Important Tasks) are the tasks that will produce the optimal results and address the most critical issues you face. These are often referred to as “big rocks,” as in the priorities that you first need to place in your “jar” (i.e. complete) before filling other things around it (the metaphorical pebbles, sand and water.)
Read MoreWhen I launched my School Leadership Mastermind for school principals and administrators back in June, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. It was my first time running a mastermind group of any kind and, while I had participated in and gained from other masterminds, running my own would be a totally different experience. Particularly in the throes of a COVID pandemic that had put school leaders back on their heels for months.
Read MoreNow that we have determined which tasks we need to be doing, the next step is to set clear, actionable goals that will help us get our tasks done. Goal setting is a critical component of any growth process, personal or professional.
There are many benefits of setting goals, including:
Clarity and focus: Goals motivate us to cut through the weeds and get focused on what’s really important
Planning: Goals help us map out the necessary steps to achieve our desired result
Accountability: Goals force us to set and meet deadlines and be accountable to others
Transparency: When shared, goals help others understand what we’re focused on
Self-esteem: Goals raise our self-confidence as we see ourselves grow and progress
Few productivity tools elicit divergent opinions as does a to-do list. Despite their longstanding as the method of choice for productivity enthusiasts, to-do lists have come under recent fire as an antiquated system that must be improved upon or dropped.
Gary Keller, best-selling author of "The One Thing," argues that, “Long hours spent checking off a to-do list and ending the day with a full trash can and a clean desk are not virtuous and have nothing to do with success. Instead of a to-do list, you need a success list -- a list that is purposefully created around extraordinary results.”
Read MoreWhile uncertain times demand flexibility, growth mindset, and industriousness from all parties, it’s the leaders who need to create the nurturing, supportive environment for people to do their best work, while setting expectations for others to rise up to. Particularly in times of ambiguity, leaders are looked to for strength, clarity, guidance, and direction. Even when they, too, are unclear about how best to proceed and perhaps even scared, school leaders need to project feelings of confidence and calm and find ways to communicate them with others.
To lead in these conditions, start by controlling your own fear. Your people first need to believe that you’re in control of yourself if they're to have confidence that you can make smart decisions in tough times that affect others. One independent school headmaster I know made a calculated move back in March (just before the lock down) that he quickly came to regret. Apparently, some teachers had acted lackadaisically early on with their student supervision as the scope and severity of COVID was still being understood. The headmaster responded by raising his voice at a teacher meeting as a way of impressing upon his staff that COVID was serious and that children’s lives were at stake. The result was a fearful staff and an admonition from the school’s lay leadership.
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